Friday, February 6, 2009

Everything for My Good?

Having finally "conquered" the anxiety of "Hope's" motionless nights, I thought I was on the easy path of this pregnancy and finally on the road to a good night of sleep.

But now a new aliment plagues me - Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). Thankfully, mine is just pregnancy induced and should end after delivery, but for now, nights are filled with a burning sensation in my legs and waking about every 30 minutes to change sleep positions or walk around. I have learned a few tricks this week for coping and relaxing, but the condition has not subsided completely.

After the first severe night of RLS, I had a hard talk with God (you know, one of those Job style conversations where you come out realizing you are not as big and entitled as you thought you were). The summary of the conversation was this verse: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Do I really believe that EVERYTHING works for good - even burning legs that keep me up till 4am? I started to think deeper about how this could possibly be for my good. The simple answer was this - during the deep of the night, without the distraction of kids, husband, radio, or internet, my ears work a lot better! In the deep of the night, the things hiding under the surface of my heart are revealed and I am able to actually deal with them. Some nights I have dealt with hidden fears, some nights I have dealt with hidden wrong attitudes and sin.

So I have a new name now for the burning legs of RLS - Refiners's Fire. The burning and discomfort of the night is revealing the true issues of my heart, and refining it. Isn't it sweet that God can make the most of frustrating sleepless nights. I am thankful that nothing is outside of His hand!

Oh, and I would still like to be free of the RLS, but for now, we'll keep working on the burning issues of my heart before worrying about my burning legs.

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