Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Three Ring Circus

It has been almost 2 months since my last writing - why? Life is a three-ring circus around here! The three rings are named Kaiden, Jordan, and Emma, and I am the girl walking on the tightrope between all three!

Mark has been deployed now for 46 days (but whose counting?) so I have had to perform quite a balancing act between the needs of each of the girls as well as my own needs (and wants, and cravings...).

Being a tight-rope walker is not easy. If even one step is slightly off, you could plummet to the ground below. Being a mom right now feels the same way. If I sleep in a bit, or am late with the girls snack time, or neglect getting them to bed right away, or forget one piece of the bedtime routine, or forget to follow through on a promise made to them, I am bound to fall of the tight rope!

Sometimes the tight rope act is exhausting. You just want to say to heck with it all, jump off the rope, run to the ice cream store, stuff your face and let the circus animals run wild on their own. But when I do that, I find that the indulgences didn't taste as good as I hoped, and the rest I longed for wasn't so relaxing. And when I look at my three little circus monkeys, I realize that my neglect of them for meeting my own selfishness has only created greater struggles.

The tight rope is actually a blessing. A challenge, but a blessing - and only because I am not in this alone. I am only the high-wire act, but God is the Ringmaster. He knows each step I need to take and is more than available to guide me as I walk.

So how do I survive as a temporarily-single mom of three littles? By walking the tight rope, holding God's balancing bar, and asking him at every moment where my next step should be.

Thank you Lord for the challenge of this life. Without this struggle, I know I would be wandering aimlessly, pursuing only my own self-interests. Thank you for not only requiring me to die to myself, but for walking alongside me through these dark waters. Lord I do fear falling away, I do fear not making wise choices with my time and having my family suffer as a result. So Lord, as I begin this day, please make your voice clear to me, and guide my every step. And Lord, thank you for being the Ringmaster. Thank you for caring for my little monkeys. May you give them the grace to endure my errors!


  1. Thanks for the update. My mom was just at our house and described it the same way over the phone to her mom: the three ring circus and she named the rings Emily, Rachel and Samuel! I have been thinking of you and wondering how everything was going so am glad to hear your update. Thinking of you...