Dancing with My Father

We concluded Lia's memorial service with the song "Field's of Grace" by Big Daddy Weave. I chose that song because in the days following our loss, whenever I thought of Lia, I would see a young girl, long flowing brown hair, dancing in a field of flowers. "Fields of Grace" captured the image perfectly for me - a little girl dancing with her Father God in fields of grace.

I have listened to and enjoyed this song numerous times in the past 2 years, but it seems I have missed one critical truth - the song is in present tense. While enjoying the song and having a brief dance with my Father God while singing it, I have always thought of the Fields of Grace as a place in heaven. The song speaks of a place where religion dies, where we lose our selfish pride, where we run and play, and where we sing new songs of praise. All of that is true of heaven, where we will know His perfect presence, but how often do I think about having that same joy in the here and now?

I don't want to wait for heaven, I want to dance with my Father God today.

I am tired of feeling that this season of life, full of dishes, diapers, and discipline, is void of joy. I refuse to believe that lie! Some mommies I have known seem to just accept the drudgery and move forward from day to day, accepting the season and not expecting joy. But not me. I am fed up with waiting for the challenging days to end. I want to have joy every single day! I have to believe that my God is great enough to make every day a day of joy.

I think that though I enjoyed the "Fields of Grace" song many times these past years, I have been missing out. I thought Lia was the lucky one. I thought she was the only one of us truly dancing. But I want all of us to dance, me, Kaiden, Jordan, Emma, and yes, even Mark. I want us all to know the joy of living in the graceful presence of a loving God.

All of these thoughts have stemmed today from my contemplations about a new book: "Dancing with my Father" by Sally Clarkson. I look forward to reading her pursuit of joy. She of course has struggled with despair, but her drive is that joy, true inner joy, be a constant in her life, regardless of the outward circumstances. And that is my desire, too. To know, and live out, and dance in the joy of the Lord, no matter the season of life.

When you see the little girl on the cover of the book, think of Lia. But think also of your own spirit, the child of God inside of you who longs to know the freedom of joyfully dancing with the Father of grace.