It has been a long dry fall and winter in West Central Texas. Dry outside, and dry inside my heart.
But God is gracious, and when we ask for wisdom, He comes alongside like a kind father and gives us guidance. And the wisdom has been pouring down now for several days like a good steady tropical rain.
An update on us... Mark, after being mostly home for the past 18 months is officially deployed again. He left in January and will return in July. Emma will turn 2 tomorrow and speaks new words every day. Jordan is 4 and is a bundle of energy. Kaiden is 6 and amazes me daily with her intellect. And I am busy playing Super Mom, and not always doing it very well.
Which brings me to an encouraging thought for the day. What brings glory to God? Is it a clean home, obedient children, participation in every possible religious activity, recycling all our boxes and cans, and evangelizing our neighborhoods? No. What brings glory to God is when we accomplish the work He gives us to do. Nothing more.
Jesus only had 3 years of activity ministry. His life ended with only 11 disciples, and a couple dozen other followers, most of whom hid away in his final hours. Yet, in his last prayer, he said ""I glorified You (God the Father) on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do." He never did eradicate leprosy, He never did free all held captive in demonization, He never did convince Judas to have faith. Yet He glorified God having accomplished the work which was given Him to do.
It is freeing to know that we are not measured by our own to do lists - which are often far longer than the day allows. We only need to do what we have been given to do. And graciously, with God's strength, we will always be able to complete it.
That is encouraging, like fresh rain on a dry earth.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, August 16, 2010
Where is Daddy?
When Absence Doesn't Make a Heart Grow Fonder
Emma recently took on the habit of shouting out "Dada, dada, dada, dada..." as soon as we drove into our neighborhood. We would pull up to the house and her hands would shoot up like a ref calling a touchdown. With a big "yeah!" Emma would toddle into the house in pursuit of her beloved, and often hiding, Daddy.
That habit has now disappeared.
Daddy has been away for 5 days. Less than a week to me, an eternity to little Emma. For the first few days, she would wander the house, looking. When someone said the name Daddy, her face would brighten and she'd be off on the hunt. And up until Sunday, she would still cheer when we pulled into the driveway.
We have tried the life size cardboard cutout affectionately known as Flat Daddy. She gives it a suspicious look, she's not fooled. To her, Daddy is gone.
As I held her close tonight, rocking her again to sleep from an 11pm teething pain, I thought a lot about her and her Daddy. She loves him with all her heart, but just 5 days away from him and her affection is waining.
Then I thought about my Heavenly Daddy.
I go through seasons when I long to see Him, seasons when with excitement I start my morning ready to witness His presence in my life. But there are other times when my affections simmer, times when I will go days without a thought of looking for Him. Emma loves her Daddy and she would look for him constantly because He was constantly there. My Heavenly Daddy is constantly present as well, but it is I who am unfaithful.
Emma has gone 5 days without her Daddy, and now she has forgotten to look for him. When I go 5 days without looking for my Heavenly Father, I begin to forget where He can be found.
What a humbling reminder that I need to keep seeking God daily!
Please take time today to pray for my girls -Emma, Jordan, and Kaiden. It is a short trip for Daddy this time, but the impact on their hearts, and on mine, has still been great. And please pray for the families whose Daddys are gone for far longer. May they know the Heavenly Daddy who is always present.
And Lord, Heavenly Father, thank You for always being present. I cannot imagine surviving this life without You.
Emma recently took on the habit of shouting out "Dada, dada, dada, dada..." as soon as we drove into our neighborhood. We would pull up to the house and her hands would shoot up like a ref calling a touchdown. With a big "yeah!" Emma would toddle into the house in pursuit of her beloved, and often hiding, Daddy.
That habit has now disappeared.
Daddy has been away for 5 days. Less than a week to me, an eternity to little Emma. For the first few days, she would wander the house, looking. When someone said the name Daddy, her face would brighten and she'd be off on the hunt. And up until Sunday, she would still cheer when we pulled into the driveway.
We have tried the life size cardboard cutout affectionately known as Flat Daddy. She gives it a suspicious look, she's not fooled. To her, Daddy is gone.
As I held her close tonight, rocking her again to sleep from an 11pm teething pain, I thought a lot about her and her Daddy. She loves him with all her heart, but just 5 days away from him and her affection is waining.
Then I thought about my Heavenly Daddy.
I go through seasons when I long to see Him, seasons when with excitement I start my morning ready to witness His presence in my life. But there are other times when my affections simmer, times when I will go days without a thought of looking for Him. Emma loves her Daddy and she would look for him constantly because He was constantly there. My Heavenly Daddy is constantly present as well, but it is I who am unfaithful.
Emma has gone 5 days without her Daddy, and now she has forgotten to look for him. When I go 5 days without looking for my Heavenly Father, I begin to forget where He can be found.
What a humbling reminder that I need to keep seeking God daily!
Please take time today to pray for my girls -Emma, Jordan, and Kaiden. It is a short trip for Daddy this time, but the impact on their hearts, and on mine, has still been great. And please pray for the families whose Daddys are gone for far longer. May they know the Heavenly Daddy who is always present.
And Lord, Heavenly Father, thank You for always being present. I cannot imagine surviving this life without You.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
No More Tattling!
Church Discipline in the Home
You can put down your "spanking spoons". That is not what I am talking about!
Our Pastor spoke on church discipline last week. Church discipline is the process by which we are to hold one another accountable in living a Christ-like life (See Matthew 18). For those not familiar with church discpline, here are the basics:
Step 1 "Go to your brother" Go directly to the person and discuss the issue.
Step 2 "Bring a witness" Bring one or two others along to meet with the person - not for the purpose of taking your side, but for listening to and giving judgment concerning the situation.
Step 3 "Bring it to the Elders" You and your "witnesses" bring the person to the attention of the Elders of the Church. The Elders will then meet with the offender, counsel the offender, and if the offender does not repent, the Elders may choose to remove them from the fellowship of the Church.
A friend said to me afterwards, jokingly, "Hey, can I use church discipline on my kids? Can I haul them to the Elders when they won't listen to me?"
"Yes! Absolutely! Kinda."
If God designed the church to be a family, and God has given instruction for how the church is to operate ~wouldn't it make sense for those same ways to work in our home? Here is how:
Step 1: "Go to your brother (or sister)." When two children have fight, they should not bring it straight to the parents. There is no place for "tattling" in the Christian home. They must start by trying to work it out together. When one is sinning and the other finds them in sin or is hurt by their sin, they should not come running to the parent but instead encourage their sibling to make a right choice. (Dangerous situations are obviously excluded!).
Step 2: "Bring a witness" If the siblings cannot work out the problem, or if the one sinning chooses not to stop, it is time to go get Mom. When my children come to me, I must listen fairly to both sides, and give judgment -- allowing the offender an opportunity to repent and change course. I say "get Mom" because I am usually the one home when it all happens - but obviously either parent may come in as mediator. As my children age and their world expands, they will learn of other adults or trusted friends who can help them in solving a conflict.
Step 3: If the issue still is not resolved, it is time to bring it before the "Elders". Not the Elders of the church, but the Elders of the home -- the united team designed to work as "one" and guide the family in Christlikeness. This is when Mom and Dad meet together to address a sin issue that just doesn't seem to stop. One excellent, and biblical, punishment is to remove the child from the "fellowship" of the family. Have the child eat alone and spend all time alone as the family continues its time together. This is a true to life consequence since, as we all know, those who are not kind and loving to others will not have friends.
By teaching this diligently to our kids, we are creating the next great generation of leaders for our church! Children who are trained to hold one another accountable in the home will grow into adults who seek to live rightly and peacefully with one another. This lifestyle, loving one another while maintaining a devotion to righteousness, is the ultimate form of evangelism. For they will know we are Christians by our love!
And you thought you were just settling a dispute over who gets the cookie!
Now for my military friends... who are the "Elders" of your family during a deployment? When only Mom is around, what other adult will back you up and stand in agreement with you when a discipline issue arises? In our family, it is Mr. Tuck, our chidlren's Sunday School teacher. If my kids get near Step 3 when Daddy is gone, I just remind them that they will need to go and see Mr. Tuck. We have needed Mr. Tuck only one time... and thank God for him!
You can put down your "spanking spoons". That is not what I am talking about!
Our Pastor spoke on church discipline last week. Church discipline is the process by which we are to hold one another accountable in living a Christ-like life (See Matthew 18). For those not familiar with church discpline, here are the basics:
Step 1 "Go to your brother" Go directly to the person and discuss the issue.
Step 2 "Bring a witness" Bring one or two others along to meet with the person - not for the purpose of taking your side, but for listening to and giving judgment concerning the situation.
Step 3 "Bring it to the Elders" You and your "witnesses" bring the person to the attention of the Elders of the Church. The Elders will then meet with the offender, counsel the offender, and if the offender does not repent, the Elders may choose to remove them from the fellowship of the Church.
A friend said to me afterwards, jokingly, "Hey, can I use church discipline on my kids? Can I haul them to the Elders when they won't listen to me?"
"Yes! Absolutely! Kinda."
If God designed the church to be a family, and God has given instruction for how the church is to operate ~wouldn't it make sense for those same ways to work in our home? Here is how:
Step 1: "Go to your brother (or sister)." When two children have fight, they should not bring it straight to the parents. There is no place for "tattling" in the Christian home. They must start by trying to work it out together. When one is sinning and the other finds them in sin or is hurt by their sin, they should not come running to the parent but instead encourage their sibling to make a right choice. (Dangerous situations are obviously excluded!).
Step 2: "Bring a witness" If the siblings cannot work out the problem, or if the one sinning chooses not to stop, it is time to go get Mom. When my children come to me, I must listen fairly to both sides, and give judgment -- allowing the offender an opportunity to repent and change course. I say "get Mom" because I am usually the one home when it all happens - but obviously either parent may come in as mediator. As my children age and their world expands, they will learn of other adults or trusted friends who can help them in solving a conflict.
Step 3: If the issue still is not resolved, it is time to bring it before the "Elders". Not the Elders of the church, but the Elders of the home -- the united team designed to work as "one" and guide the family in Christlikeness. This is when Mom and Dad meet together to address a sin issue that just doesn't seem to stop. One excellent, and biblical, punishment is to remove the child from the "fellowship" of the family. Have the child eat alone and spend all time alone as the family continues its time together. This is a true to life consequence since, as we all know, those who are not kind and loving to others will not have friends.
By teaching this diligently to our kids, we are creating the next great generation of leaders for our church! Children who are trained to hold one another accountable in the home will grow into adults who seek to live rightly and peacefully with one another. This lifestyle, loving one another while maintaining a devotion to righteousness, is the ultimate form of evangelism. For they will know we are Christians by our love!
And you thought you were just settling a dispute over who gets the cookie!
Now for my military friends... who are the "Elders" of your family during a deployment? When only Mom is around, what other adult will back you up and stand in agreement with you when a discipline issue arises? In our family, it is Mr. Tuck, our chidlren's Sunday School teacher. If my kids get near Step 3 when Daddy is gone, I just remind them that they will need to go and see Mr. Tuck. We have needed Mr. Tuck only one time... and thank God for him!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Countdown
26 days left.
26 days until I will no longer look like I "have my hands full".
26 days until the middle child becomes the oldest, well, at least from 8 to 3.
26 days until our Little Miss Sunshine heads off to be a light in the world.
26 days until Kaiden starts kindergarten.
26 days until I will no longer look like I "have my hands full".
26 days until the middle child becomes the oldest, well, at least from 8 to 3.
26 days until our Little Miss Sunshine heads off to be a light in the world.
26 days until Kaiden starts kindergarten.
 |
| Kaiden, 2004 |
Of course I am over thinking the whole thing. Of course I am thinking back on all the wasted days we could have gone to the park, could have gone to the zoo, could have baked cupcakes at 10 am just because we were home and had the time.
But now her days will be full, and our house will probably feel a little empty.
I thought of jamming a thousand things into our last weeks - something special every day - plus a fun calendar or paper chain to go along with the them.
 |
| Kaiden, 2010 |
But instead, I find myself just wanting to sit with her in my rocking chair and be still. The time for a thousand things has come and gone. Now is the time to hold her, hug her, and remind her just how much God loves her and has a wonderful plan for her life.
It will not be easy to watch her walk through the doors of school that first day. But the comfort for me is this, though she leaves my arms, she will always be held fast by the Lord.
Lord thank you that you hold each of my children safe in your arms. Life has clearly shown me that nothing of this world is sure, except for your presence. Give me wisdom in the days to come as I remind Kaiden of how to recognize your presence. May she always remember that you Lord are with her always!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I'm Back, I Hope
What a long few months it has been. I finally checked my blog today, assuming my last posting had been sometime in late May. Wow. April 10th. That is sad.
So what kind of a summer has it been? Well, the "Happy Birthday" sign hung in my dining room on April 9th is still haning there, nearly 4 months later.
That is the kind of summer it has been.
But enough of that. I'm back. At least I hope I am.
So what kind of a summer has it been? Well, the "Happy Birthday" sign hung in my dining room on April 9th is still haning there, nearly 4 months later.
That is the kind of summer it has been.
But enough of that. I'm back. At least I hope I am.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Parenting with Grace -- Seized by Temptation
The house was full of guests, and it was quiet time. Short on space, I had then 3 year old Jordan sit on my bed with a few books, hoping she would take a short nap. Beside the bed, in a crib was Emma, peacefully sleeping, for now. Emma normally napped for two hours, but today, thanks to Jordan, Emma's nap lasted 30 minutes. I never did get the full story as to how Emma woke, but certainly Jordan was the instigator. Not what I needed on a busy day full of company!
I was not happy with Jordan that day. I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I felt bad for Emma knowing that she was going to have a difficult evening with lack of a good nap. But what would have been appropriate punishment for the offense? I actually opted for no punishment. In my heart, I knew that the circumstances had made it impossible for Jordan to obey. I had not worked through all the logic in my mind, but I knew I could not punish.
The following day, I Corinthians 10:13 came to my mind: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
I then understood the reason my heart was uneasy with punishing Jordan. She had been tempted beyond what she could bear. And she had been tempted by me! Yes it was a full house of people, yes it was a situation in which the best scenario could not be found. But I should have taken an extra few minutes to think through how Jordan would do being so close to Emma during quiet time. I had placed Jordan in an impossible situation.
But wait, isn't life full of impossibilities? Don't children need to be taught to obey no matter what? Doesn't God give us impossible assignments such as "Be Holy"? Yes, but that is where grace steps in.
When God gives us impossible tasks, his grace, his presence is available to fill the gap between what we can do and what he expects. This gets a little deep in theology, but follow me. When God commands us to be holy, we strive for it, fail at it, then God's grace through the death and imparted righteousness of Jesus Christ fills in the gap for us. We are not holy, but God's grace, Jesus Christ in us, makes us essentially holy. And what about the other impossibilities of life? God's grace is present in those, too. For when we are weak, then he is strong.
God's grace is present in temptations as well. First, he says that he will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. He graciously only allows into our lives what he knows we are strong enough to resist (strong meaning our human efforts + his strength). Second, when we are tempted, he provides as way out!
In Jordan's quiet time disobedience, there was no way out. Not only had I placed her in an impossible situation, but then I left the house to run errands (don't worry, other adults were still present!). Had I been home, I would have continued to check in on Jordan, give her gentle instruction and direction, and possibly removed her from the room when I realized the impossibility of resisting the temptation of waking Emma. My presence would have been her saving grace. But my presence was absent.
God's grace, God's presence, is never absent for those who love him. I am not a perfect parent, I will never be able to be perfectly present, perfectly gracious, and perfectly wise. I will continue to place my children in situations where they will be seized by temptation. I will continue to forget to graciously provide a way out. But what I can do is take a few extra minutes when a disobedience occurs and see if a lack of grace has created the problem.
Imagine that - a lack of grace on my part can actually cause disobedience! I still call it disobedience, because the expectation was not met. But instead of punishment, it is time for training. Go sit in a chair together, talk about the situation and the expectation and talk about how to resist temptation.
I was not happy with Jordan that day. I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I felt bad for Emma knowing that she was going to have a difficult evening with lack of a good nap. But what would have been appropriate punishment for the offense? I actually opted for no punishment. In my heart, I knew that the circumstances had made it impossible for Jordan to obey. I had not worked through all the logic in my mind, but I knew I could not punish.
The following day, I Corinthians 10:13 came to my mind: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
I then understood the reason my heart was uneasy with punishing Jordan. She had been tempted beyond what she could bear. And she had been tempted by me! Yes it was a full house of people, yes it was a situation in which the best scenario could not be found. But I should have taken an extra few minutes to think through how Jordan would do being so close to Emma during quiet time. I had placed Jordan in an impossible situation.
But wait, isn't life full of impossibilities? Don't children need to be taught to obey no matter what? Doesn't God give us impossible assignments such as "Be Holy"? Yes, but that is where grace steps in.
When God gives us impossible tasks, his grace, his presence is available to fill the gap between what we can do and what he expects. This gets a little deep in theology, but follow me. When God commands us to be holy, we strive for it, fail at it, then God's grace through the death and imparted righteousness of Jesus Christ fills in the gap for us. We are not holy, but God's grace, Jesus Christ in us, makes us essentially holy. And what about the other impossibilities of life? God's grace is present in those, too. For when we are weak, then he is strong.
God's grace is present in temptations as well. First, he says that he will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. He graciously only allows into our lives what he knows we are strong enough to resist (strong meaning our human efforts + his strength). Second, when we are tempted, he provides as way out!
In Jordan's quiet time disobedience, there was no way out. Not only had I placed her in an impossible situation, but then I left the house to run errands (don't worry, other adults were still present!). Had I been home, I would have continued to check in on Jordan, give her gentle instruction and direction, and possibly removed her from the room when I realized the impossibility of resisting the temptation of waking Emma. My presence would have been her saving grace. But my presence was absent.
God's grace, God's presence, is never absent for those who love him. I am not a perfect parent, I will never be able to be perfectly present, perfectly gracious, and perfectly wise. I will continue to place my children in situations where they will be seized by temptation. I will continue to forget to graciously provide a way out. But what I can do is take a few extra minutes when a disobedience occurs and see if a lack of grace has created the problem.
Imagine that - a lack of grace on my part can actually cause disobedience! I still call it disobedience, because the expectation was not met. But instead of punishment, it is time for training. Go sit in a chair together, talk about the situation and the expectation and talk about how to resist temptation.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Grace?
Every Sunday we fill the pews, listen to the messages, and are thankful for the grace God extends to us daily. But as we pile back in the van, does the grace continue? Do we extend grace to our kids in the same way God extends grace to us?
We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. Do we consider our children as our neighbors? For if we, loving ourselves, seek from God mercy and grace, should we not also extend mercy and grace in equal measure as we have received?
A friend and I had a challenging conversation about parenting and grace last week. My job as a parent is to accurately reflect the nature of God in my relationship with my children. Unfortunately, I tend to only reflect the character of God as Judge.
"What does parenting with grace really look like?" After years of parenting in an authoritative manner, my friend has found that the discipline was creating obedient bodies but was not reaching the heart.
This is a frightening realization for any parent. If obedience, our children's or our own, is not from the heart, we are nothing better than Pharisees.
"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." Matthew 15:8
How have we come to this? How is it that devoted, prayerful parents, parents dedicated to teaching the principles of faith, have children whose hearts are on a permanent moral vacation?
Somewhere along the line, many of us were given a promise. Discipline the child and he will love you. Discipline the child and he will not stray. Train him up in the way he should go and he will not depart. Yet their hearts are departing.
About two years ago, I came across a verse that has radically changed my focus in parenting.
Romans 2:4 - Do you think lightly of the kindness, tolerance, and patience of the Lord, not knowing that the kindness of the Lord leads to repentance?
That's what I really want, repentance. I don't need my kids to think my way, act my way, live my way. I need them to live with a soft heart, willing to see their own sin and need of a Savior. If the Lord leads me to repentance with kindness, can the same be true with my own children? In order for me to accurately reflect God in my children's lives, I must learn to discipline with kindness, tolerance, and patience. In other words, I must parent with grace.
But the question remains, what does it look like to parent with grace? It is not a quick formula or an easy to memorize method, because that is not how God deals with me. His love for me, and his discipline of me is unique. Therefore, parenting by grace will look unique in each home, and for each child.
In the coming weeks, I will be reading the Bible with an eye out for moments of grace. I am looking for where God shows us grace, and then thinking about how I can extended that same aspect of grace to my children. I will share what I find here on my blog, along with a good dose of humility for how often I fail in my endeavors of grace.
A final thought from Psalm 103:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
Lord, help me today to remember that my children are but dust. That they, just like me, are in constant need of compassion and grace. Lord I cannot love them like this in my own strength ~ for my own heart is often far from You. So begin in me, help me to accept that I am in need of grace.
We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. Do we consider our children as our neighbors? For if we, loving ourselves, seek from God mercy and grace, should we not also extend mercy and grace in equal measure as we have received?
A friend and I had a challenging conversation about parenting and grace last week. My job as a parent is to accurately reflect the nature of God in my relationship with my children. Unfortunately, I tend to only reflect the character of God as Judge.
"What does parenting with grace really look like?" After years of parenting in an authoritative manner, my friend has found that the discipline was creating obedient bodies but was not reaching the heart.
This is a frightening realization for any parent. If obedience, our children's or our own, is not from the heart, we are nothing better than Pharisees.
"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." Matthew 15:8
How have we come to this? How is it that devoted, prayerful parents, parents dedicated to teaching the principles of faith, have children whose hearts are on a permanent moral vacation?
Somewhere along the line, many of us were given a promise. Discipline the child and he will love you. Discipline the child and he will not stray. Train him up in the way he should go and he will not depart. Yet their hearts are departing.
About two years ago, I came across a verse that has radically changed my focus in parenting.
Romans 2:4 - Do you think lightly of the kindness, tolerance, and patience of the Lord, not knowing that the kindness of the Lord leads to repentance?
That's what I really want, repentance. I don't need my kids to think my way, act my way, live my way. I need them to live with a soft heart, willing to see their own sin and need of a Savior. If the Lord leads me to repentance with kindness, can the same be true with my own children? In order for me to accurately reflect God in my children's lives, I must learn to discipline with kindness, tolerance, and patience. In other words, I must parent with grace.
But the question remains, what does it look like to parent with grace? It is not a quick formula or an easy to memorize method, because that is not how God deals with me. His love for me, and his discipline of me is unique. Therefore, parenting by grace will look unique in each home, and for each child.
In the coming weeks, I will be reading the Bible with an eye out for moments of grace. I am looking for where God shows us grace, and then thinking about how I can extended that same aspect of grace to my children. I will share what I find here on my blog, along with a good dose of humility for how often I fail in my endeavors of grace.
A final thought from Psalm 103:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
Lord, help me today to remember that my children are but dust. That they, just like me, are in constant need of compassion and grace. Lord I cannot love them like this in my own strength ~ for my own heart is often far from You. So begin in me, help me to accept that I am in need of grace.
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