Hurry Up and Slow Down

A children's book with a moral for moms...

We are studying turtles this week and I found this cute book at the local library. I figured it would have an excellent lesson for my children on being diligent, swift to obey, while always be sure to do a good job. But instead, the moral was for me

Hare is a fast mover. Always on the go. Always asking Tortoise to hurry up. He never wants to sleep in, never wants to be still, and is ready for dessert before Tortoise has even take his first bite of lunch. (Hmm.. sure sounds like some preschoolers in my house!).

But then comes Tortoise's favorite time of day, when Hare settles down to sleep. Tortoise fixes a cup of chamomile tea and just as he sits, the plea comes... can you read me a story? And Tortoise, who always moves slow, reads the book just as fast as he can, eyeing his rapidly cooling tea the whole time.

Hare looks at Tortoise... Hurry up and Slow Down! We need to take time and look at the pictures. Tortoise smiles at Hare, and reads the book again, nice and slow.

I am the Tortoise.

All through my day I find myself running to keep up with children three steps ahead of me. And then, just as the nap time begins or as the sun sets, I with lightning speed rush through the bedtime routine. In the window of time when my children are actually ready to sit and listen, I have no time for them. Instead I rock my children with one eye fixed on the computer screen, longing to update my facebook status. I mindlessly read a chapter of Heidi while contemplating my to-do list for the next day.

Then the questions come. Mommy, why did Jesus die? Mommy, where is heaven? Mommy, why does my tummy hurt when I do something wrong? Mommy, can I have a water cup?

I need to hurry up and slow down. Childhood is amazing -- they need to go fast all day, after all, there is an entire world to discover. But they need me to sit slowly with them at night, while they try to make sense of it all.

I am thankful for children's books that aren't afraid to put a Momma in her place.

A Little Husband Humor

The two most challenging commands in the Bible for men:

1. 1 Peter 1:16 - Be holy because God is holy.

2. 1 Peter 3:7 -- Live with your wife in an understanding manner

I confess that I make that second command nearly impossible to fulfill!

The Flesh is Weak

I am thankful for babies that wake up at 3am. I am thankful for children who have constant demands. I am thankful for loads of laundry that do not fold themselves and piles of dishes that must be put away. I am thankful for the thousand issues of my day that challenge me.

Jesus said, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Too many times I have had a good intention or a heavenly prompting that was left undone due to laziness. Though my spirit desires to do good, my flesh, my body, just isn't up to the task. It needs a boot camp. It needs to be pulled out of its indulgent, demanding, self-seeking pit and whipped into shape.

With every late night feeding, every meal cooked, every diaper changed, every shirt hung and sock found, every plate scrubbed, I am training my body. I am training it to realize there is something beyond hunger and sleep. I am training it to be ready for the real work - the work of the spirit.

Lord thank you for the trying times, the tiring times, and the mundane times. Thank you for the trials that force me to find strength I did not know I had. Thank you for opportunities to train my body and prepare it for Your tasks.

A Mile in Her Shoes

Can we please get a cart Mommy? My legs are tired!

No, it won't take long sweetie, you can make it.

Thirty minutes later, we left the store, conquered items in hand, exhausted child at my heels.

Husbands are instructed by God to live with their wives in an understanding manner. How much more so we Moms ought to live in an understanding manner with our children.

I am not the greatest cook, but when motivated, I can whip up a great meal, complete with a bread, a salad, and maybe even a set table. But that is on a good day. Most days dinner is simple and to the point. I simply don't have the energy or motivation to do my very best. And that is okay. But do I extend that same grace to my children, the grace to say "Do what needs to be done, even if it is not the very best?" How many days are they a little tired, a little under the weather, or just a little down, and yet I expect a four-course meal of perfect obedience served on fine china with a delicate floral centerpiece.

My little Jordan wanted to shop with me today. She wanted to find a present for sister's birthday. But we walked at my pace, shopped at my eye level, and left grace at the front door. Her little feet do not move as swift as mine. I wonder what a mile through a store must feel like to her. She asked for a cart, so she could keep up with me, so that she could just do what needed to be done. She knew her limits, and I was the foolish one who pushed her beyond them.

I need to slow down, see things from my children's eyes, live with them in an understanding manner and give them grace to do only what needs to be done.

What is better, to have children who strive to live every moment at the maximum of their ability, or to have children who wisely know their limits and do what needs to be done?

Grieving and Rejoicing

Habakkuk 3:16
I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.........

And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Nehemiah 8:10

As I wrote my previous post, one single thought continued through my mind. The joy of the Lord is your strength. It didn't make sense. Here I was, processing through my host of bad decisions, regretting how I had not heeded God's counsel to be okay with a fruitless season, and all I hear in my head, repeating over and over again is a single phrase, the joy of the Lord is your strength.

I knew it was in the bible somewhere, Psalms I figured. It sounded like a Psalm kind of thing to say. So I googled it, and biblegateway.com lead me to Nehemiah 8.

I froze. Now, I may not know where to find the quote, the joy of the Lord is your strength, but I do know a little bit about Nehemiah.

The passage from June, the one in Habakkuk about a barren season and a promise of finding joy in the Lord, was a prophecy for the Jews who were about to be taken in exile. Nehemiah is the story of their return. Specifically, Nehemiah 8 is about the people realizing their sin that sent them into exile and grieving over it.

Through a simple phrase on my heart, God had led me to the rest of the story.

The people, upon completing the reconstruction of the wall of Jerusalem all gathered together and Ezra the priest read them the law (the bible). The people, realizing their failure wept bitterly. This is how church has felt for me these past months. I come and all I feel is the crushing sting of knowing I have not been doing as the Lord asked me to do. Of course, being way too westernized and concerned about my appearance, I've saved my bitter weeping for the privacy of my home. But like the people of Judah I stand convicted and ashamed.

I would except a big "I told you so" from Heaven at this point. Or a big "I don't think you've cried enough yet, don't you realize just how dumb you were?" But instead, God speaks through Ezra, instructing the people not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Is he saying, "suck it up, stop crying, enough already"? No. He says to rejoice. They are not rejoicing for anything they have done, they are rejoicing for the Lord is their strength.

Too often in my walk with God when I am confronted with sin I dwell in my grief. Stewing in regret, I search for any way to make things right again that will relieve my aching soul. But this week, as I was spending time mourning my sin, God was pointing me to the next step. It is time to grieve no more but rejoice in my redemption. God knows my sin, he knows my heart. Not everything has been fixed or made right and there continues to be consequences from my choices. But God has forgiven.

Now I have a new choice. Will I stay in my grief, trying to fix in my own strength problems created from my own stubbornness? Or, will I choose to grieve no more and completely surrender the situation to God? Will I choose to rejoice in His forgiveness or will I continue to sorrow in my shame? Prior to yesterday, I never really understood that such a choice existed.

I have always dwelt in my shame attempting to make things right. Perhaps this is an effort to somehow earn my forgiveness. But that is not where true forgiveness is found. Forgiveness is not granted because I made everything right again. Forgiveness is granted when I surrender. Yes, God make ask me to make things right. But just like a child who needs to let go of the spoon before they make an even bigger mess, I need to let go.

Letting go is hard when I am surrounded by the consequences of my choices. But Lord, you were gracious to show me which path to take. Will you be gracious enough to carry me down it? I am little more than a 2 year old, covered in spilled milk and cheerios, clinging desperately to the spoon. Gently take my hand and help me surrender. Help to hear your voice once again and walk in your ways. Give me opportunities to rejoice as I share with others how you are leading me. Thank you for showing me the light and joy of forgiveness. It feels nice here. Like the afternoon sun falling on my bed during a Sunday nap. Let me rejoice in you.

A Barren Season

I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:16-19

In June, it was like a day of calamity was coming upon me. My health was failing, problems were surfacing in my relationship with the girls. I was entering in to a very tough season. God knew this, and graciously gave me a warning. While waiting for a doctor appointment and fighting to hide a panic attack from the others in the lobby, I read the above passage in Habakkuk.

I never knew prophets had panic attacks.

While meditating on the passage, God made clear that I too was about to enter a barren season. With health problems and deployment, I needed to let go of all my ambitions to take on projects. This was not easy to accept because I had big dreams of home renovations while Mark was away. But this call to accept a barren season came with a promise - a promise of joy despite the circumstances and the promise of the Lord lifting me up and setting me on the high places.

My conviction lasted about 2 days. Then out of discontentment and frustration I decided to prove that I really could handle it all. I would, in an amazing feat of military spouse strength, turn this barren season into an amazing show of my talents.

Now two months later, I see the foolishness of my ways. God warned of a barren season, but not a barren heart. The heart that pursues God and accepts the path ahead receives joy and is lifted up. But the heart who foolishly attempts to follow its own path and make its own way may be surrounded by accomplishment but is left with a barrenness of soul far more miserable than any circumstances can produce.

For my summer of effort I am left exhausted, surrounded by unfinished projects. And rather than joy, each of my accomplishments brings me nothing more than regret and frustration.

Thankfully, the Lord in His mercy, has allowed me to learn much from my rebellion. Now, rebellion may seem like a strong word to some. I mean, what did I do wrong? I worked on home improvements, bought things on discount, and paid cash for it all - so how can that be wrong? It was wrong because I knew it wasn't the right time to pursue such goals. So now begins the process of redemption. As I daily think about my choices and pursuits from this summer, and grieve, God continues to show me truth and refine my heart.

Thank you Lord that our joy does not have to be based on our circumstances. But thank you more Lord that when I try to change the circumstances, joy does not come. The joy of You is my strength. Do not let me be strong when I go my own way, please Lord, love me more than to allow me to have joy in my own path.

Sunrise

I recently read that the Christian's growth into Christlikeness can be compared to a long sunrise. The darkness slowly fades and gives way to light. You cannot always measure the change, you just eventually notice that life is different than it was before.

This analogy to a sunrise has been on my mind over the past mornings. I have thought about the different kinds of sunrises. The slow ones on a clear summer day, where the darkness slowly gives way to purple then to blue. The brilliant ones where the sun defeats the darkness in a sudden blast of light against a snow covered world. And then ones like this morning - the sunrise in the storm.

We have a storm descending on us from the northwest, and an intense red sky to the east. The battle for the light of day is evident in the sky overhead, and the progress is clear as the tones of the sky are changing with each minute.

There are times in my life that are like a slow summer morning. My world is generally calm, and my growth, while still increasing, is not brilliant, blinding, or breathtaking. It is just slow and steady. Then there are the seasons like our sunrise this morning, when the storm is moving in and the Lord is quickly preparing me for the battle.

The challenge for me is to be content no matter what. I thrive on the storms of life, the challenges that push me beyond what I thought I could do. I often wish that each of my days could be as stunning as a red sunrise in the midst of the storm. But a calm steady sunrise on a cloudless day defeats the darkness too!